This will be at my funeral
by Liam Brazier
I really don’t like my life right now. I’m not suicidal or anything but the things in the past few weeks, haven’t done anything but fill my head with things I don’t need. Some say I shouldn’t even complain, I have everything. I don’t.
I’ve been listening to everyone. Trying to help them, entertain them, please them, anything to know they are happy. I get nothing in return. Yes I remember that I am alive and life is a gift but I was told when I was younger, “Give people happiness, and you will someday receive it back.”
I haven’t received happiness from anyone except one person. But that one person is no longer giving me happiness, I am the one giving her a constant supply of happiness that doesn’t get used.
I am a bitch.
I am a pussy.
I am a girly guy.
I am a soft guy.
I am all these things for talking about my feelings. Sorry.
Do you ever, all of a sudden, get this overwhelming wave of self hatred? Like suddenly you hate your body, every inch, your face, your voice, your smile, your laugh, your personality.. you just want to disappear because you can’t stand to be yourself.